They’re the best Anime that 1994 has to offer! We counts down the best anime to come out this year, including the likes of Super Child, Dr. Slump Movie 08: Arale-chan Hoyoyo!! Tasuketa Same ni Tsurerarete…, Darkside Blues, and more!
5: Super Child
MAL Score: 4.84
It is the year 2023, hurrying for a scoop, Eunjoo, a very active girl reporter, meets Gokdari and his super kids, who specialize in arresting space criminals. The Gokdari’s group consists of the best space warriors.
Their job is to do good by getting rid of any space rascal. At the right moment they arrest a space monster names Wangdochi and another criminal by locking them in a mysterious golden stick, which is widely reported by Eunjoo.
One month later, a police chief and an inspector visit Gokdari and his super kids and asks them to arrest Judogwi, the most violent criminal in space. Judogwi, a 90-foot tall monster, resembling an elephant. This monster is a very violent offender. Carrying a strong energizer bead and equipped with super natural powers.
The police offer a reward on this offender’s head. Gokdari and his super kids leave for the skull planet where Judogwi lives. They face a lot of danger and difficulties in fighting this monster because of his supernatural powers. They are joined by another warrior, Mio, he takes the energizer bead out of Judogwi and lets it explode by itself.
As Judogwi has no power with the bead, all our heroes finally defeat the monster and lock him in the mysterious golden stick. Gokdari and his super kids return to earth and donate their reward to an orphanage.
Even better then episode 5 of dragon ball super.
Gokdari is the greatest anime protagonist in a North Korean cartoon I have seen.
I love the Seinfeld references they make as well as the smash mouth soundtrack.
The wonderful morals and one liners leave me our of oxygen which killed me almost instantly.
I suggest everyone watch this masterpiece of animation.
With this I suggest Mars of destruction, Doogal and Boku No Pingu.
The music is definitely a plus with tracks like all star and Its the end of the world as we know it.
“MM-EEEEH EHH EHH MEHHHHH AHH RRRR AHHHHHRHHH AHHHHHHHHASDFGHJKL:” – Quote from either a character in the show or myself. It was kind of hard to tell since both of us were in some severe pain and agony at the time.
Dragon Ball is one of the most famous and successful franchises in both the manga and anime industries, spawning several stand-alone movies, video games and TV sequels being made to this day. It is practically a household name, a worldwide phenomenon that holds a ton of nostalgia amongst many anime fans, and whatever thoughts you might have about its overall quality, you cannot deny that it is one of the most influential anime that has ever been made. You may be wondering why I’m talking about Dragon Ball at all in this review, but the thing is that it is important to understand that when shows, books or even ideas gain huge success, what follows is usually a bunch of knock-offs and cheap imitations that try to capitalize on the original’s success. Super Kid (titled on MAL as Super Child as this is being written) is a show that many believe to be one of these knock-offs. However, I would go against that belief; not because it isn’t true, but because just by having Dragon Ball affiliated by name to this travesty is giving it too much acknowledgement. This show needs to be called out for what it really is: One of the absolute worst things that I have ever experienced in my entire life!
Technically, Super Kid is a cartoon created in South Korea that apparently took 3 years to make before being released upon the masses in 1995 and eventually this abysmal pile of animated horseshit made it to the West and managed to get actual distribution and an English dub (Fuck you Canada). But do not let even that mild achievement fool you, as this is easily a contender for the infamous title of “Worst Anime of All Time”, right down in the depths of anime hell with the likes of Mars of Destruction, Hand Shakers, Pupa and Boku no Pico. While you might find this review enjoyable, the actual show is anything but; it tests the limits of human tolerance to shit, and with a runtime of over 100 minutes, that is a holy load of shit to endure. I remember the first time I ever watched this shitstain and I regret that decision to this very day. I had heard from people like BobSamurai that this was one of the worst anime he had ever seen so I was not going into it with any real expectations. But the expectations I went in with were fucking shattered because it was just THAT FUCKING TERRIBLE! I was a fool for even giving Super Kid a chance, as I was only 20 minutes in before I gave up. I could only take 1/5th of it on my first try, already falling into depression and questioning my life choices. Then later, I tried again and managed to survive the entire ordeal, and now I regret even getting into anime at all. All because I came across this worthless piece of garbage. I was a fool for initially watching the shit, but I must have been mentally retarded or under the influence to give it a second chance and sit through all of it. And even in a world where practically everyone should be allowed second chances, this is a worthy exception to that ideology. And now, here I am, months after enduring the horror that is Super Kid, with a review that aims to not only expose this garbage as one of the worst things to ever have been made, but to also act as a warning to never attempt to watch this shit as no one should be masochistic enough to sit through all this shit and live to tell the tale. Epidemics have been caused by anime much more competent that this, please have mercy on yourself and the rest of mankind.
The actual movie that is Super Kid starts around 4 minutes in because the first 4 minutes were dedicated to this awkward trailer for the show that acts more like a summary than anything to get viewers interested or engaged. It is just a monotonous, irksome synopsis that tells everyone watching what they are going to witness, only 96 minutes longer. This is a waste of 4 minutes on the production side and it does more to help the safety of the public by letting them see what they are about to experience and providing enough time for people to evacuate the cinemas before it is too late. The narrator comes off as completely obnoxious and overexaggerates the shit out of this show, filled to the brim with blatant lies that no one would buy. Saying that this show has “nonstop action from beginning to end” and “filled with laughs, thrills and terror”. Unfortunately, it is all just terror, and can only be considered action by default, especially when it is coupled with animation so awful that it is painful to watch and audio that changes volume inconsistently throughout the entire trailer. If anything, this show belongs in the genre of self-torture, because that is all you will get throughout the entire 100+ minute runtime. The narrator also fucks up his own lines, saying that “each new villain is more dangerous than the next”. You read that right, not as dangerous as the next, or more dangerous as the last, but every new villain is MORE DANGEROUS THAN THE NEXT! Whatever, I should not even be going on about the trailer for this; it is probably the best part of this entire show, and it only goes downhill from here. So, to all the anime fans that decided to ignore my warnings about this shit and plan to continue watching it, this was your chance to stop and do something productive with your time. If you are in this for the long haul, then you, like myself when I first saw this, are a fool. And to quote Mr. T: “I pity the fool!”
The movie properly begins with news reporter (spelled “Roperter” in Hell I guess) Ju Eun-Joo sleeping at her desk for the first 2 minutes before waking up and falling out of her chair and onto the ground, before falling back to sleep again. She must have bipolar or some similar disorder to be like this at her workplace and not get punished for it. And yes, this show focused on a minor character sleeping for the first 2 minutes. Eventually she is woken up after her phone becomes animated like an old Disney cartoon, moves right next to her before waking her useless ass up with one of the most obnoxious and painful ringtones I have ever heard in an anime. It was her boss that was calling her, but that does not matter much to her as she literally falls asleep again while on the phone to him. How does she even have a news reporting job in her current state? Anyway, she is informed that a group of kidnappers are fighting the “Super Kids” and she is to go to their location and report on it. I just have to say it: Ju is obviously supposed to be the ‘Bulma’ of the series, however she is nowhere near as intelligent, useful or attractive as her counterpart and is more akin to Jabba the Hutt.
It is at this point where the audience is given a debrief about who the “Super Kids” are exactly. Ju takes off in her flying car and this is where shit really starts to get bad. First off, Ju’s car changes in interior design as she travels to the Super Kid’s destination, most likely due to the animators not giving a single fuck about the show they are working on to bother remembering what it looks like. Really gives you an impression of how much the staff cared about making this shit. Then, the information about the Super Kids is shown, except you cannot read all of it because not only is half of it spelt incorrectly, but because this movie was recorded off of a handheld camera that cropped out part of the screen! It is also an epic failure when it comes to battles because the camera keeps zooming in and out on scenes where nothing happens and throughout the entire duration would not stop moving the fuck around. Did Korea know that there is something called a fucking tripod? I have never seen such incompetence quite like this. To add more insult to injury, the group is not actually called the Super Kids, but called the “Gokdari Group” after the name of group member, Son Goku troll and the main character, Gokdari. What, the fuck?
Regarding the group, from what I can make out of the shoddy information sheets and what is told to us, Gokdari is the leader of the group and is nearly 200 years old. He also possesses superhuman strength and is full of chivalry. That is not much information at all to gain much of an understanding of who Gokdari as a character is, but unfortunately, that is the most we get from every character in the group. Other members include Big Boy, who stands at 170cm, weighs 160kg, is 13 years old and is labelled a coward. That last part is the most honest thing that is said in this entire show considering how much time is spent on Big Boy shivering in battles like a little bitch. We also have the fugliest member of the entire group in Samachi: a 99 year old alien that also happens to be full of chivalry and is said to be a “space super power”. But the most distinctive feature he has is his appearance; this dude look like the result of King Piccolo banging an asparagus stalk, and bipolar “roperter” Ju has the audacity to say that she would be up to dating him. What in the actual fuck!?! I may not know what kind of people live in the world of Super Kid and this might be an attempt to promote a morally good message about beauty on the inside and such, but this show also promotes retardation in every fucking scene. The insect has probably been on drugs the last couple weeks and in the picture provided he physically looks so starved that he would probably rather eat shit for 2 hours than appear in this garbage. In total, there are 8 members that are given a debrief and 2 of them barely get any screen time at all and do not do anything in regards to the plot. As well as this, only 2 of the members are under 18 years old, with the majority of the members being considered well into their adult years, and some being hundreds of years old, yet they are called the “Super Kids” … Fuck this.
They finally get to the fight between the kidnappers and the Super Kids, but I use the term fight very loosely here. This has some of the worst choreography, transitions, build-up, subtlety, any element that you could come up with that has an influence on what makes a fight good is done terribly here, and it is not surprising given everything that we have seen so far, you can only realistically expect so much. One part that especially pissed me off in this fight was when Gokdari gets the upper hand and puts his staff in his opponent’s mouth and causes it to lengthen in height, resulting in the kidnapper crying in pain and trying to give up because his jaw would have been ripped apart, but Gokdari did not care at all about that. So much for being full of chivalry, ya dick. What is even more mind-boggling is how the opponent puts the lengthened staff back into his mouth to prove he was trying to give up. Did no one working on this know what a fight actually is? They also try and sneak in a Casablanca reference in the fight scene because why the fuck not? It sure as hell adds nothing to the fight. And to top it off, they use tentacles… Better get used to them because tentacles are used by every main villain throughout this show and are used a lot. But more on that later. This entire “fight” only proved to me that the staff behind it are incompetent at not only directing a fight scene, but also following basic subplots. The only trait we learned about Gokdari prior to the fight is that he is full of chivalry, and yet here, he is basically torturing his opponents. It gets even worse when after the battle, Gokdari hands over the kidnappers to the police in public, with one of them butt naked, leading to much embarrassment and humiliation from everyone. So much for Gokdari being a chivalrous guy. And of course, he only handed them to the police AFTER he was given the bounty for them. But perhaps the biggest blunder of them all was the fact that despite they were kidnappers, the Super Kids did not give a fuck about who they kidnapped, leaving their current whereabouts and wellbeing completely unknown. And right now, I think that it is important to know that so far this review has only covered the first 20 minutes of the film…. Fuck this!
After that ordeal, the show moves to a couple cops trying to find where the Super Kids are now that the kidnapper have been taken care of, except the flying car that they are in cannot even fly; it teleports several times around the fucking screen. The saddest part about this is the fact that when Ju used a flying car before, it could at least be considered in motion. This is a bunch of still pictures that have no flow or consistency between them. The policemen arrive at the Super Kid tower (an abandoned tower) where before they can even enter the same room as the team, we are shown the team using a hologram and an abacus in the same room. And that abacus is apparently being used to count the reward from the kidnappers: $50 million dollars. The policemen ask the Super Kids to capture this new villain Judowgi, who sold his family to slavery for gold. He also has committed acts of planetary genocide beforehand but that gets shoved under the bus. What is even more insulting is that the reward for Judowgi is $200,000. Don’t forget that the reward for those two kidnappers before was $50 million… I can’t even make this shit up!
Nevertheless, the Super Kids accept the task and get in the Gundam rip-off to fly to the planet Judowgi occupies, and this time the animators actually show the robot flying. I would be impressed since the animators do something competently in this film, but it just irritates me how inconsistent the staff is with animating the most basic concepts that is never a problem with any other legitimate anime you can find. I guess that would have drained their already abysmal budget down the drain. Also, every time there is flying in this show, the animators reuse cells at nausea and never even try to hide it. They did not even bother to draw a larger picture to make it less obvious. Super Kid truly is revolutionary in how it is able to fuck up on so many basic levels. While the team is on a supposed 20-day round trip, we find out that not everything is what it seems with the two policemen. One wants the people of a planet to love and respect him to further his political agenda, while the other is revealed to not be human. Startling revelation, except no one watching this could try to give a fuck about what is happening on screen. By the way, that reporter from before managed to sneak into the Gundam and is there too, because reasons! Nothing in this show makes any fucking sense. Heck, when they all finally arrive at their destination, they scout the land on top of a magical flying carpet. If you are still reading this, you should have already started to lose your fucking mind and have a headache so bad you should see a doctor about it. But that pain is only miniscule compared to what the actual show does.
From here, we see Gokdari blast the shit out of the planet’s indigenous E.T before the group encounters 3 villains: Judowgi, a red alien and a sorcerer that can’t stop teleporting. The sorcerer, surprisingly has the best backstory of all three – his son was killed by a police officer and thus helps Judowgi on his quest for world domination. It’s pretty shit but at least he has a reason for his actions, as poor as it may be. In this show, you take what you can get. The red alien? That’s the officer that wasn’t human. They showed him having a metal arm before but I guess the production team decided later that it would be easier to animate a red monster with tentacles. Judowgi is also a mind fuck given that he fights the Super Kids most of the time in a different form; one that allows for more tentacle action. Other than Judowgi’s battle, the fights are not worth the time and effort to mention honestly. But one thing, never in a fight does anyone dodge an attack. These fights are more turn-based than a Pokémon game, but at least in some Pokémon games, dodging is actually an option.
The thing about Judowgi’s fight with the Super Kids is that compared to what we have seen previously, this is some next level bullshit. Judowgi has the team all beat with tentacles only, until he is betrayed by the sorcerer. He was betrayed because the Super Kids reminded him of his son. I want all of you reading this to now look at the cover picture of this crap and see the ugly ass gremlin on the cover. That piece of shit reminded him of his dead son. The sorcerer then caused Judowgi to spit out a dragon ball, weakening him to the point where he uncontrollably changes forms between fugly ass tree and the Elephant Man. Despite being weakened, he still kicks the shit out the Big Boy and meth-head Piccolo, but then we get the biggest asspull so far. Gokdari can use Expansion Jutsu and uses this to take the upper hand before Big Boy channels his inner Yokozuna and hits multiple Banzai Drops to send this motherfucker into the Shadow Realm. Finally, we see the Super Kids back on Planet “Fuck Logic” as Gokdari donated the $200,000 reward to a nearby orphanage and everyone lives happily ever after… except for those of us unfortunate enough to have seen this schlock.
And with that, I am done! There is more bullshit in the show that I could talk about, like how Big Boy is trapped in the friendzone and acts as a third wheel around Ju and itsy bitsy Samachi, or how they rip off even more ideas from pop culture, but since I started writing this review I have lost my mind, turned my brain off, came back to reality before finally no longer giving a fuck about this show. This was god-awful. I have wasted hours of my life watching this bullshit. It is so hard to put into words the exactly quality of this garbage because I have seen abysmal anime before. The anime is noted at the beginning: Mars of Destruction, Pupa, Boku no Pico, all of these are horrendous in their own right, but Super Kid manages to fuck up so much on so many levels that it makes these other shows look competent. The plot. OH. MY. GOD. I cannot find one solid aspect of the story that is worth a shit. NOT ONE! And the thing is that this is such a simple plot, but it is so fucked in the ass with bullshit and nonsense that it’s like the story was shoved into a shredder and what was left was used by the staff as a public toilet. The characters!? What characters!? Saying it has characters implies that the show had more than one, and there is only one character worth talking about, and it’s the fucking troll doll! Gokdari is probably the worst protagonist that I have ever seen in an anime. They tell you he’s a nice guy with good morals and is “full of chivalry”, but his actions say the complete opposite about him. So much, that you just want to go into your computer screen and choke the life out of him. In fact, they should have renamed him “Cockdari”, because that is exactly who he is, a cock-sucking brat.
If you thought the story and characters are the only problems with Super Kid, you must be blind, deaf and dumb. The animation, just look at the picture on the show’s MAL page and you can tell that it looks like shit. I have already talked about the epic failures the animation in this show has, so much so that Super Kid has without question the worst animation that I have ever seen. At least with Hand Shakers, it looks somewhat new and in a way, fits in with the animation of today. This looks like the people behind this worked in the early 80’s, used the DeLorean from Back to the Future to travel over a decade into the future and still thought animation was the same back then. And even back then, it would have looked like shit, but it came out in 1995, the same year as Ghost in the Shell for fuck’s sake. And the sound? The sound is probably the best thing about this whole show, but even then, that is no compliment as it still manages to make an epic failure when it comes to sound. Not only is the soundtrack and the voice acting terrible, but the utilization of audio in this film is horrendous. The sound effects don’t even match the action happening on the screen and the volume changes so much that it all feels like an assault on your eardrums.
Thankfully, you can turn the volume off, but what you should really be doing is turning the entire show off! This is not the kind of show that was released too early in development and needed to be taken back to the drawing board. Superkid is the kind of show that needed to be taken into a dark alley and have its brains blown out. The only thing noteworthy about Super Kid is that every aspect of the show FUCKING SUCKS! It is my personal belief that Super Kid was not made to be an anime. Super Kid was made to be this new torture method made that escaped while still in production and some awful production company called the UM Productions thought they could use this to make money and increase their popularity by releasing it as an anime to the public. All it increased was the rates of suicide and depression of South Korea, and yet somehow Super Kid managed to get an English dub. Well since it’s called an anime to this day, all that I have to say is… THIS IS THE WORST ANIME THAT I HAVE EVER FUCKING SEEN!
Oh, believe me. I already have. This shit has pushed me to the limit…
*spoilers for Super Kid. Don’t watch this fucking abomination; it’s not worth your time. Read the review instead and spare yourself the pain*
Super Kid is some kind of South Korean knockoff of the ultra popular anime: Dragon Ball Z. This anime is so bad that I actually wish I picked Dragon Ball Evolution instead. This pile of fucking horseshit is why I wish we sided with North Korea instead, so the they couldn’t make this dumpster fire. In the span of two hours, your patience and sanity is assaulted, put to the test; only the strongest of individuals will survive this travesty. It isn’t even funny bad in any regard; it’s just maddening. I legitimately find this to be a prime contender for the title of “Worst Anime of All Time”, and in a world such as this, where over 2 decades after this dreck came out, the likes of Hand Shakers, Mahouka Koukou no Rettousei, and Mars of Destruction exist, that’s quite an honor, if you wanna put it that way. You need an iron will to even last halfway through this heap, much less the whole 100+ minute torture session. I might as well have watched SAW; at least there I would know what I’m truly in for before I even watch it. Hell, given that this is a garbage DBZ knockoff, I probably should’ve watched Dragon Ball Evolution instead.
Before we even start the putrid excuse for a “story”, we have to sit through almost 4 minutes of a trailer that shows almost everything that will happen in the movie. It’s just an obnoxious and tedious recap of what we were literally about to see and it just kept dragging on and on just as soon as you think it would end. Keep in mind, after this, we have over 100 minutes left to view, and they literally waste our time for 4 whole minutes. Nonetheless, with that out the way, let’s jump into the movie proper.
We actually begin with 2 minutes of Eunjoo sleeping and her coworkers chatting, and the snoring is obnoxious, but then her walkie-talkie goes all Walt Disney on her by sprouting arms, legs, and an angry 1940’s Disney cartoon character face before waking her up with an excruciating ringtone that probably hurts us more than it does her. It’s a call from the boss of her reporting business and she literally falls asleep again, snoring, and somehow the boss can’t hear her loud ass snoring. How has she not been fired yet if she has been doing this kind of crap on a possible consistent basis? Whatever, we see some random, unexplained, green cubes of letters as Eunjoo takes off in her flying car and is given a debriefing on the “Super kids”, which is just crappy exposition for the audience. Also, the youngest member is 11, the youngest member to be active in the movie is 13, and everyone else is either older or infinitely older, with our protagonist being 199 years old and one of them being 2000 (though they can’t identify an exact age but never even try an approximation). Kids my ass.
We then see these…”kids” take on a reject member of the family of Kang and Kodos from the Simpsons, and some Terminator reject, as they have kidnapped a scientist. We never see the scientist in this movie, so this was unnecessary as they could’ve just made it so that the criminals were causing havoc in the city or something (that way it would make sense how they handled it). After embarrassing interplay and fighting, they are apprehended. Also, we learn that we will never know how these characters get their powers as they just pull any and all powers out of their ass. Remember in Dragon Ball Z, Naruto, or even Fairy Tail how people would call out their attacks and perform specific motions in order to channel their body to perform them? Yeah, there’s a reason that’s important (as annoying as it can be to hear the same attack name shouted over and over); it’s so that it doesn’t just come out of thin air. These shounen series actually establish these attacks and what is supposed to happen for them to be executed like a hand sign or a specific body gesture. Here, these guys pull whatever our of their asses, some of which could’ve really gotten them out of sticky situations had they used them earlier, which becomes especially apparent in the second half.
After that, we see the heroes acting like brats before a commissioner and an officer give them their next mission, which is the bulk of the plot: stop this alien overlord which has ravaged planets (you’re already making the Frieza and Buu connections, I just know it) and his assistant with a “tragic past”. After it all goes wrong, said assistant, whose name isn’t even on MAL, does a pathetic face turn and points out Heroes to the fact that the officer was evil all along, so they split up, two to take down the cop, and two to take down our main villain, especially since he has recently captured Eunjoo, who was a stowaway since she wanted to get more scoops about them.
The fight Gokdari and his rock buddy have against the cop who randomly turns into an alien is part for the course at this point, and runners the question of how they got back if tee spaceship they used to get to the alien planet isn’t being used; this also applies to how they get back. As for the final fight, it’s also par for the pathetic course at this point. The assistant takes it some kind of crazy energy ball the villain stores in him that made him powerful and performs a sacrifice to destroy it, and then the villain gets his ass kicked and arrested, and the heroes get money and spend it on some random charity. The end. Also, remember the 11-year-old girl who was shown in a screen in the beginning? Never shown. There was this guy that looked like Yamaha from the original Dragon Ball and he’s only on one scene. Either way, you get my point, right. Everything is pulled out of its ass and never properly introduced and the plot makes no sense. It’s such a simple plot, which makes it all the more unbelievable as to how badly they fucked this up. Either way, moving on.
The team of “Super Kids” is absolutely unlikeable and unworthy of being called heroes, the supporting cast is barely there and barely worth mentioning like the lazy and pathetic Bulma wannabe, Eunjoo, and the villains are pathetic and one Note losers that all become crybabies at one point or another. Gokdari is infuriatingly arrogant and dumb, and he actively goes as far as to basically torture opponents who surrender, like that alien. I needn’t mention the assistant character with the “tragic past” of losing his son and then turning evil until only now decided “I wanna be good again so I’ll help these good guys”. Let’s get the rest of this shit show of a cast started since I already covered Eunjoo and Gokdari. Also, the Yamchalookalike and the 11-year-old girl, as well as the generic mayor and the rest of the villains won’t get a mention since I have literally already said everything you can say about them in this review as it is; they’re that pathetically characterized. There’s also this pilot guy who only shows up to do one thing: deliver a punch with his mech to the final boss, leave, and then go weirdly berserk in hopes of finding the now defeated villain. Well, here we go…
Big Boy (what a generic and lame name) is a 13-year-old coward who keeps getting the hots for Eunjoo and being an arrogant loser; that’s his whole character. Samachi, who looks like a winged and anorexic King Piccolo, is just a bickering teammate who just gets his job done. Rockpile only talks when he wants to make rock puns about something going on and has nothing else to him. Saint Teolteol is just an old man with nothing to him other than the fact that he is the eldest one; he doesn’t even do anything. You know, the sad truth is that I’ve just covered every single character here to a T. Pathetic.
I bet that as soon as you heard “Korean knockoff”, you immediately knew that the animation would be cheap at best; you’d be right since sometimes you actually do have to judge a book by its cover. The animation often jitters to the point of looking like an animatic (or a series of still pictures moving fast but not fast enough to convince us of actual motion); this is a 1995 movie, a movie released the same year as Ghost in the Shell and Macross Plus Movie Edition, with both are gorgeously animated. The fight scenes are pretty bad as well thanks to the lack of actual choreography. Characters almost never dodge either. Expect a distressing amount of reused animation, which I have never seen in an animated film before. Then again, this was probably made in a puny budget; that would explain why they hired a Horrendous cameraman to record this. They often zoom in and out for no reason and in many scenes of travel, the camera just jitters in order to help make the scene look less like animation and more like an animatic. It’s not like it records the full screen either given how during the scene where Eunjoo sees bios of the Super Kids, it’s cut off. The animation isn’t overall abysmal, but it’s still terrible and coupled with it being reused and having a bad camera, yeah…
Ever wanted to see a film assault your ears? Then you’ve come to the right place, fucko! This film will make your ears bleed in pain and beg for mercy by the 10-minute mark. The OST is obnoxious as fuck, and that’s largely thanks to the fact that the sound equipment in this film is so goddamn awful that a 1960’s Hanna Barbera cartoon does a better job, no scratch that, fucking 1920’s films have infinitely better sound equipment for their music and voice acting! Then again, the OST is worthless even on its own and I don’t need to research the songs to tell you that. The sound effects are beyond atrociously as well, like the rocks or how when a character crashes into a ground it at one point has the sound effect of the classic “character gets slammed into a car”, and I don’t need to tell you why that is a horrible sound effect choice, do I? It applies to almost every single sound effect imaginable here. The Ocean Dub (yeah, it was dubbed by the people that gave you the god-awful DBZ Ocean dub) is easily the worst dub I have ever heard in my life, not because the voices don’t remotely fit with the characters, but because they’re so damn grating! Special mention goes out to the infuriating voice of Gokdari and the borderline incomprehensible voices of the cop’s alien form and the main villain’s final form! God, fuck this dub! Fuck everything about the audio! I’m damn sure I lost at least a few cilia over this horse shit! Let’s just move on…
This film is so, so goddamn irritating that it hurts! Hurts like a mother fucker! If the abominable characters don’t piss you off enough, the nightmarish audio will really crest an experience so irritating that it becomes even more maddening than having to put up with a whining, crying 2 year old at the supermarket that just wants whatever the fuck he can’t have, and having to put up with that is not only infuriating (especially if you’re the parent), but it’s goddamn mortifying for all parties involved. Yet, this film is more irritating and more mortifying; I’d be less embarrassed getting caught watching hentai than even watching this shit, let alone getting caught doing so, especially since it’s basically self-inflicted torture for me to view this; I’d get sent to a mental hospital. It’s maddening, but not infuriating to the point where you just want to explode like the absolute worst title I’ve covered, though believe me, with the audio, it really comes close. It’s just overwhelming enough to push you to the brink of your endurance but not destructive enough to the point of blind rage and a passionate lust for revenge, and that makes it all the more painful since I cannot reasonably vent until after the viewing is over rather than if I exploded while watching as that means I get to blow off steam to the very piece of technology that is broadcasting what I’m watching. I nearly gave up 15 minutes in, to put that into perspective, and if it was a full-blown television series with 12, 24, or more episodes, I certainly would have.
Now, is Super Kid the worst anime I’ve seen? No. Even despite what this score will tell you, it isn’t; the worst anime I’ve seen just happens to fuck up a good deal less in the audio department, though it fails so absurdly hard in literally every single other category to the point where each of them dig far below the minimum 1/10 requirement, making the act of giving it a 1 to be generous. Unlike what I consider to be the worst, it doesn’t have a gigantic and brutal concentration of plot holes, contradictions of its own logic, or abominable characters with absurd motivations and actions, nor is this as visually offensive. However, it is one of, if not the most irritating and audibly offensive piece of work I have ever endured. Its characters are shallow and pathetic, it pulls so many things out of its ass, it’s world building is also ass, its animation is cheap and lazy, and its audio is irreparably bad in terms of equipment, music, sound effects, and dub. It may not be the worst anime I’ve ever seen, but it’s easily in the top 3, as well as being the current worst movie I’ve ever seen by a wide margin. Fuck this movie and everything about it, not just as a DBZ fan, but a fan of anime, animation, action, and storytelling. With all that said, I’m off to watch some Dragon Ball Z Abridged. The new episode just came out 2 days prior to the publication of this review. Well, bye for now.
4: Dr. Slump Movie 08: Arale-chan Hoyoyo!! Tasuketa Same ni Tsurerarete…
English: Dr. Slump and Arale-chan: Hoyoyo!! Follow the Rescued Shark…
Japanese: Dr.スランプ アラレちゃん ほよよ!!助けたサメに連れられて…
MAL Score: 6.07
Arale saves a baby shark at the beach and in gratitude the sharks invite she and her family to visit the Underwater Kingdom.
3: Darkside Blues
Japanese: ダークサイド ブルース
MAL Score: 6.08
The Persona Century Corporation has purchased nearly every parcel of land on earth. Dissension is not tolerated within the corporation’s borders and those who oppose Persona are dealt with swiftly. Of those few places not yet under Persona’s control is the free town of Kabuki-cho, also known as “The Dark Side of Tokyo”. Within the town, under the leadership of a woman named Mai, is a small resistance group called Messiah. Into this world steps a man who takes the sobriquet of Kabuki-cho: Darkside. Sealed up in another dimension eighteen years ago by Persona Century, Darkside now returns to aid Messiah using his unique mystic power of renewal.
Darkside Blues is a nice little gem from the 90s based on a manga by Hideyuki Kikucho who is one of the most respected horror writers in Japan. Often called the Stephen King of Japan, many of Hideyuki’s novels have been adapted to anime such as Vampire Hunter D, Wicked City, and Demon City Shinjuku.
Animation – 8
I’ll go ahead and draw attention to the elephant in the room: this is an old anime. The art and animation styles likewise reflect the 90s. Whether you enjoy 90s style or not is your choice, but compared to other works of the time, Darkside Blues fares very well. The art and animation themselves are slightly above average, but I don’t think many people can deny the style this show brings to the table. While there’s nothing too progressive as far as the direction or choreography at work here, I still can’t help but be impressed at how easy everything seems. By this I mean that it seems the style just flows off the screen naturally and can be seen in the fluid movements of the characters in many scenes. While there are many action sequences, they aren’t so much edge-of-your seat and jaw dropping as they are seamless and fluid which is very pleasing to the eye.
Sound – 9
While maybe a handful of people out there won’t like the music here, I think the sound is perfectly done. The melancholy music does a great job setting the mood and enhances the feel of Kabuki-cho as a city.
The Japanese voice actors do a good job and are obviously cast well for their roles. Natsuki Sakan is a great fit as Darkside and this is one of those times when a female voice actor really does seem more appropriate for a male character.
Story – 8
Set sometime in the future, Darkside Blues depicts a world almost completely owned by the Persona Corporation. One of the few free areas is the slums of Kabuki-cho, often called the dark side of Tokyo. There are various ‘enhanced’ humans running around who boast supernatural powers, though it’s never explained whether this is actually magic or achieved with technology. Taking place in the future, there is quite a bit of technology around in the form of watches that fire lasers, robotic attack drones, and even a massive quantum cannon.
Something interesting I noticed was how similar this movie is to the Clint Eastwood movie Pale Rider (which was in turn a retelling of the classic western Shane). The reason I say they are similar is that, just like Pale Rider, Darkside Blues follows a small group of people (Messiah) whom are resisting oppression at the hands of a wealthy group (Persona Corporation) and then inserts a mysterious stranger (Darkside) who has a score to settle. While Darkside may seem to be the main character, the movie really seems to focus more on the effect his presence has on the members of Messiah.
Unfortunately, the movie seems like a small part of a whole that the viewer is never fully aware of and some things are left unexplained. Despite that, the sub-plot involving the escape of an Anti-Persona resistance fighter is covered well. The main confusion involves the backstories of many characters.
Character – 7
There are a lot of good things here, unfortunately most of the characters are undeveloped with only hints given regarding their past. The only characters really explored are the resistance fighter Tatsuya and Selia, an acquaintance of the Messiah members.
Darkside himself is almost a walking cheat code as time and time again various Persona assassins run across him only to find their attacks have no effect. Darkside only bothers to take his hands from his pockets on a couple of occasions and really he never seems worried no matter what attacks are being thrown at him. Darkside’s past is only ambiguously explained, but really his character is in the movie to bring about change in others.
Through a process he calls ‘renewal’, he enables various characters to overcome hurdles formed when they were emotionally scarred in the past. Though for some people, this renewal simply brings about their death.
Enjoyment – 9
I personally love 90s anime and Darkside Blues is a great one. This show walks a fine line of psychological and action so there is substance to chew on mentally, or if you just wanna sit back then there’s plenty of action as well. While I wouldn’t call this an action anime, I don’t think more than 5 minutes ever go by before the next altercation starts.
I really wanted to like this movie because it was based on a manga by Hideyuki Kikucho who also wrote Vampire Hunter D. You can see the similarities in the animation (which is superb for its time,) supernatural themes and mysterious, romanticized character of Darkside. Unfortunately, the movie did not live up to the D.
Call me dense, but I never did understand Darkside’s power or why he was at odds with the Persona corporation. Had he not been a part of the movie, the story would have been complete–an oppressed society rising up against its oppressor. In fact, the most explored characters are the terrorist and the Kabuki-cho resident that nurses and shelters him.
Where the anime does excel is the music. In the opening sequence, a street musician breaks out in a blues number during a struggle against Persona. The blues music portrays the heavy air of oppression in Kabuki-cho.
There is thought provoking dialogue regarding peace and whether peace achieved through force is actually peace. Had the movie followed these themes without the supernatural element, it would have been a success.
2: Dr. Slump Movie 09: Arale-chan N-cha!! Wakuwaku Hot no Natsuyasumi
English: Dr. Slump and Arale-chan: N-cha!! Excited Heart of Summer Vacation
Japanese: Ｄｒ．スランプ んちゃ!!わくわくハートの夏休み
MAL Score: 6.17
It’s summer vacation in Penguin Village, and a very pretty vampire pays them a visit!
1: Doraemon Movie 15: Nobita to Mugen Sankenshi
English: Doraemon the Movie: Nobita’s Three Visionary Swordsmen
Japanese: 映画 ドラえもん のび太と夢幻三剣士
MAL Score: 7.29
Tired of the daily life and being the weakest, slowest, and dumbest, Nobita seeks comfort in his dreams where, using Doraemon’s tools, he sets out on a fantasy journey. But when Nobita’s dream world gets threatened by an evil sorcerer, Nobita gathers his friends to join him in his dream to fight the evil as the Three Musketeers.
Did YOUR favorite anime make the cut? Let us know in the comments below!
1. Doraemon Movie 15: Nobita to Mugen Sankenshi
2. Dr. Slump Movie 09: Arale-chan N-cha!! Wakuwaku Hot no Natsuyasumi
3. Darkside Blues
4. Dr. Slump Movie 08: Arale-chan Hoyoyo!! Tasuketa Same ni Tsurerarete…
5. Super Child