They can’t stop all of us: a Lasers and Feelings Hack about storming area 51

September 20th, 2019 

Over one million people have arrived at the gates of Area 51 to storm the facility and ‘see them aliens’. What’s hidden inside the facility is unknown, but the danger is known and immediate. The country’s top generals have been briefed on naruto running and the walls are lined with armed members of the countries defence forces determined at all costs not to let you inside. Whether you’re here to liberate extraterrestrials, obtain government secrets, or just to clap alien cheeks, remember, they can’t stop all of you. 

When you start out, choose from one of the five Invader archetypes and give them a name, short description, and a reason for invading Area 51. Next, choose a number from 2-5. A higher number means you’re better at Icey (science, technology, nerves), while a lower number means you’re better at Spicy (talking, intuition, wild actions).

Rolling Dice 

Whenever you do something, roll 1d6. Add +1d6 if you’re prepared and +1d6 if you’re an expert. The GM will tell you how many dice to roll. Compare each die result to the number on your sheet.  

  • For Spicey, you’re trying to roll OVER your number. 

  • For Icey, you’re trying roll UNDER your number.


  • If NO die succeeds, you fail the action and deal with the consequences.

  • If ONE die succeeds, you just barely succeed. The GM may add additional effects. 

  • If TWO dice succeed, nice! You accomplished your task.

  • If THREE dice succeed, critical success! Gain something extra. 

  • If you roll your number exactly, you become WOKE. You may ask your GM a question and they must respond honestly. Afterwards, you may use your result or re-roll


When starting out, you have a choice of one of two items and one exclusive ability unique to your invader. 

Kyle [Nunchucks OR Skateboard]

You signed up on facebook because you thought it was fun but now it just got real man. Dressed head to toe in fox racing apparel, no drywall will stand between you and the aliens. Choose a flavour of Monster Energy and what effects it gives you.

Naruto Runner [x5 Shurikens OR Katana]

You’re not a Weaboo, you’re a proud shinobi of the concealed tree village. Given the opposition, you’ll have to ask your master’s forgiveness to go all out this one time. Choose one Ninja ability (wall running, disappearing, etc.)

Armed Conspiracy Theorist [Bulletproof vest OR Pamphlets]

The government is the number one enemy of America and you’re here to expose all the secrets. Though you might not approve of your fellow soldiers, you know that you’re fighting the good fight. Choose one firearm. You have 20 bullets. 

Furry [Deluxe Fursuit OR Ears and Tail]

UwU ~*nuzzles*~ ur here to mweet newe pweopwe and make newe fwiends <3 

Choose one animal for your Fursona and 1 ability related to it. 

Parent [Car OR Picnic Lunch]

Your kid begged you for weeks to get here and now you’re stuck here, but you’ve gotta admit you’re now somewhat interested at what’s inside. Just think about how jealous Susan from Parent Council will be. 

Name your kid and note two details about them. 

The DM Sheet

The military has been preparing for months to repel this invasion. Forces are armed and at play to stop the masses prepared to rush the facility. But is everything as it seems? Roll on these tables and push the invaders back.

What are you up against?

Roll once at the beginning of the game. This determines the nature of the oppositional forces inside Area 51.

  1. U.S Air Force

  2. The Reptilian Shadow Government 

  3. The Illuminati

  4. Aliens

  5. The overlords controlling the simulation that is earth

  6. Make up your own or DMs choice

What obstacles stand in your way?

At several points throughout the game, roll on the table to add a new hostile force or danger for the players to go up against. 

  1. A laser grid blocks the way.

  2. A security team is dispatched to apprehend invaders

  3. Another group of Invaders attacks you.

  4. A security checkpoint stops your progress.

  5. Something supernatural happens.  

  6. Make up your own or DMs choice. 

What are they hiding?

Inside Area 51 lie dozens of elevators, vaults and containment facilities. Roll on the table to determine what’s inside each one.

  1. Seemingly Impossible Product (Toothpaste 10/10 dentists recommend, Hand Sanitizer that kills 100% of germs,]

  2. Unreleased Content (Shrek 7, Minecraft 2, etc.]

  3. Believed deceased celebrity (Elvis Presley, Harambe, etc.)

  4. Extraterrestrials (friendly or hostile) 

  5. Alien Technology (hoverbikes, power armour, ray guns)

  6. Make up your own or DMs choice

The game ends when all players have been killed, detained or fled OR one or more players escapes having liberated a single object from the government’s clutches. 

They Can’t Stop All of Us is a hack of Lasers and Feelings by John Harper. It was designed and created by Angus Macpherson for amusement. For inquiries, comments, or if you want to say mean things about my game, you can find me on twitter @theprimeangus

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